Wednesday, November 10, 2010

mesmerised fool

I felt my thick juices flowing, my senses heightening, deepening, exhaling, then heightening again..
I felt endorphins racing frantically through my clogged system, creating a current like an invasion of lost puppies from the pound, just to be followed by an anti-climaxed wave of shame and inverted anger about that very fact.

Nothing came to feed that juicy scenario, eliminated in growth, with an antipathetic nonchalant thumb pressing the stop button prematurely.

When the surface of the facade cracks, the maggots come out.

So humiliated I felt about having let my old heart get loose about something so transiently thin and unsubstantiated, while having known the inevitably cruel chance of a wicked sprout, that the idea of rejection seemed like a mere nudge of an elbow.

It was more than rejection, it was more than misleading, because NOTHING happened, and that nothing was like acid slowly burning me into a toxic foam before I turned into the nothing that happened.

I was just a smitten, mesmerised fool

It was a lesson.

Now the crush has crushed itself.