mesmerised fool

I felt my thick juices flowing, my senses heightening, deepening, exhaling, then heightening again..
I felt endorphins racing frantically through my clogged system, creating a current like an invasion of lost puppies from the pound, just to be followed by an anti-climaxed wave of shame and inverted anger about that very fact.

Nothing came to feed that juicy scenario, eliminated in growth, with an antipathetic nonchalant thumb pressing the stop button prematurely.

When the surface of the facade cracks, the maggots come out.

So humiliated I felt about having let my old heart get loose about something so transiently thin and unsubstantiated, while having known the inevitably cruel chance of a wicked sprout, that the idea of rejection seemed like a mere nudge of an elbow.

It was more than rejection, it was more than misleading, because NOTHING happened, and that nothing was like acid slowly burning me into a toxic foam before I turned into the nothing that happened.

I was just a smitten, mesmerised fool

It was a lesson.

Now the crush has crushed itself.

Darkness Part 1

Let's have the world for breakfast
 so we can swim in our own shit
maybe hold on to an aeroplane
 or a passing jet
let's squeeze the last tear
out of the clouds
and let faith urinate some final doctrines
so that all leftovers are hydrated enough
to witness the end.

Dissatisfaction - a content colleague of aloof frailty. Something that peaks up with one raised eyebrow while you're  having an alright run, grinning cheekily at you, not saying a damn word! Grabbing you sideways, while leaping ahead, running its fingers along your neck straight after you embraced a good love,
a nice day,
a prospect... of progress.

Dissatisfaction - raising from the ashes after breathing in a sweet song, a wicked meal or another day
without an accident,
a nasty phone call
or constipation.

What loyalty, still standing after countless, calculated attacks
from me
in the name of happiness.

Love Part 1

Sultry Venus,
no feebleness in her full stance.
Solid beauty - pure perfection...
even if incomplete.
If the measure tape requires a turn
the result may as well be
the diameter

of a perfect trick.

Caradoc's Play

Only a little at the time, quaint amounts, because it's loose, seething into pockets of my syrup ear, inhaling all of space around me while something lucid is lifting me. Strings noodle my demons around their neck and the notes are prettier than me, prettier than their graves, leaving a bad day at that, breeding today's plans in a flat minor, making me smile a little at the very time..

Pain is a poet

Pain is a poet

with sweat and regret

with untainted doubts

on voluptuous clouds

over a burning crown

feeding a stubborn frown

above led-heavy lids

stinging liquid streets

in time-chiseled grooves

lip biting moves

and breath holding void

exquisitely paranoid

as wisdom's bodyguards

chomp the flaky yards

of sweat and regret

pain is a poet

with a fate no better

than a lucky dead letter

mediocre sore

Help, help, boredom!

So, so busy!

joyless pace

fickle days

ratracing dizzy.

Oh no, schedule!

So, so sleepy!

Early nights

inner fights

mornings creepy.

Sweet external bliss

bigger better more

so, so pretty

kids, dog and kitty

mediocre sore.

Seen

Silent thoughts in fury

overwhelming signs of light

hidden underneath the pain

of loss

not found in the first place

never chanced to find

angry mind

why getting told to hold

the love to float

to its destination

sinned a lot with grace

devoted in despair

lonely leaving wishes in the air

shall not swim in apathy

shall not think aloud

in what do we trust

not the flowers of words

let's feed life with now

and maybe arrivals of fate

to let the fury

change its ugly face

Mind Over Matter

Mind over matter

a force so strong

more than known

all along

like  the power of a song

seemingly hidden, yet leading

the notion of being

constantly feeding 

the rhythm of life