Wednesday, November 10, 2010

mesmerised fool

I felt my thick juices flowing, my senses heightening, deepening, exhaling, then heightening again..
I felt endorphins racing frantically through my clogged system, creating a current like an invasion of lost puppies from the pound, just to be followed by an anti-climaxed wave of shame and inverted anger about that very fact.

Nothing came to feed that juicy scenario, eliminated in growth, with an antipathetic nonchalant thumb pressing the stop button prematurely.

When the surface of the facade cracks, the maggots come out.

So humiliated I felt about having let my old heart get loose about something so transiently thin and unsubstantiated, while having known the inevitably cruel chance of a wicked sprout, that the idea of rejection seemed like a mere nudge of an elbow.

It was more than rejection, it was more than misleading, because NOTHING happened, and that nothing was like acid slowly burning me into a toxic foam before I turned into the nothing that happened.

I was just a smitten, mesmerised fool

It was a lesson.

Now the crush has crushed itself.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Darkness Part 1

Let's have the world for breakfast
 so we can swim in our own shit
maybe hold on to an aeroplane
 or a passing jet
let's squeeze the last tear
out of the clouds
and let faith urinate some final doctrines
so that all leftovers are hydrated enough
to witness the end.
Dissatisfaction - a content colleague of aloof frailty. Something that peaks up with one raised eyebrow while you're  having an alright run, grinning cheekily at you, not saying a damn word! Grabbing you sideways, while leaping ahead, running its fingers along your neck straight after you embraced a good love,
a nice day,
a prospect... of progress.

Dissatisfaction - raising from the ashes after breathing in a sweet song, a wicked meal or another day
without an accident,
a nasty phone call
or constipation.

What loyalty, still standing after countless, calculated attacks
from me
in the name of happiness.

Love Part 1

Sultry Venus,
no feebleness in her full stance.
Solid beauty - pure perfection...
even if incomplete.
If the measure tape requires a turn
the result may as well be
the diameter

of a perfect trick.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Caradoc's Play

Only a little at the time, quaint amounts, because it's loose, seething into pockets of my syrup ear, inhaling all of space around me while something lucid is lifting me. Strings noodle my demons around their neck and the notes are prettier than me, prettier than their graves, leaving a bad day at that, breeding today's plans in a flat minor, making me smile a little at the very time..

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Pain is a poet

Pain is a poet
with sweat and regret
with untainted doubts
on voluptuous clouds
over a burning crown
feeding a stubborn frown
above led-heavy lids
stinging liquid streets
in time-chiseled grooves
lip biting moves
and breath holding void
exquisitely paranoid
as wisdom's bodyguards
chomp the flaky yards
of sweat and regret
pain is a poet
with a fate no better
than a lucky dead letter

mediocre sore

Help, help, boredom!
So, so busy!
joyless pace
fickle days
ratracing dizzy.

Oh no, schedule!
So, so sleepy!
Early nights
inner fights
mornings creepy.

Sweet external bliss
bigger better more
so, so pretty
kids, dog and kitty
mediocre sore.


Silent thoughts in fury
overwhelming signs of light
hidden underneath the pain
of loss
not found in the first place
never chanced to find
angry mind
why getting told to hold
the love to float
to its destination
sinned a lot with grace
devoted in despair
lonely leaving wishes in the air
shall not swim in apathy
shall not think aloud
in what do we trust
not the flowers of words
let's feed life with now
and maybe arrivals of fate
to let the fury
change its ugly face

Mind Over Matter

Mind over matter
a force so strong
more than known
all along
like  the power of a song
seemingly hidden, yet leading
the notion of being
constantly feeding 
the rhythm of life